Sometimes the truth is a very painful thing to accept. It can totally cripple you mentally and emotionally. Sometimes two truths at one time are more than we can handle for the time being. The one thing that we have going for us is the ability to process the information and to eventually come to a point where we can begin to process and accept these truths no matter how much we dislike them or disagree with them.
I would like to take the time and the space here to apologize to my in laws. Not for WHAT was said, but for the timing.
Sometimes we act out of impulse and emotion. I am human and am guilty of that as well as others. I try to be careful no matter how emotional I am and not say things that I can not take back. I forget that this is a lesson I have been learning for many years and not all people are as cautious or even on that path at all.
The thing is, the family was all upset because I expressed my feeling publicly here in my blog rather than say it in private. My reason for this is two fold. The first and front most reason for it being said in my blog is that lies and secrets, shame and embarrassment is what caused this situation in the first place. There is nothing to be embarrassed about our ashamed of. If those are the feelings you have they are yours alone to deal with. The second reason that this was said in a blog is to bring awareness to others. If this is a situation that can happen in our family then I am sure that it is happening in many families all over the world. What I was trying to do is bring awareness to the pain that your words and actions cause. I want people to THINK before the have that knee jerk reaction that caused so much pain in my home.
Never did I doubt for a minute, nor did I intend to infer that my in laws do not love my husband. I think in their pain and confusion that was misunderstood. My point was simply that the response that was given caused more pain and more hurt than the secrets that had been kept for so long.
I know this is a very difficult thing to digest. I am not exactly having an easy time of it myself. It is not easy to accept that someone you love more than anything and someone you thought you knew, turned out to be someone you didn't really know at all. The important thing to remember now that we have all had a little bit of time to rethink our initial responses is that the person he is has not changed. He is still the same man. He is still the same son. He is still the same Daddy and he is still my best friend.
It is going to take plenty of time for the wounds to heal. His, theirs and mine. I hope that in time he can heal from the hurt and the pain and that they can love him completely without judgment or reservation. As far as I am concerned, the only thing that matters is that he has someone to support and stand by him. I support him and stand by him because I love him. That is all that mattered. I put my own pain on the back burner because I could see the terror in his eyes when he told me. This is not your common marital dispute. I honestly can not see any way that we will ever salvage our marriage. That thought alone devastates me but to be without him entirely is something I can not even begin to fathom. I had to set my own pain aside to help him get through this. I will deal with my pain separately. Right now the focus is on rebuilding and reinforcing our friendship so that we can raise our daughter together and give her the stability she needs.
This will be the last blog written on this topic so I will close with this:
There doesn't always have to be a bad guy. Sometimes there is no one to blame. By finding a target to place blame upon we are not accepting the truth as it is. By blaming others for our own insecurities we are failing to learn the very important lessons that are there for us to learn. This is not the first time that I have been made the bad guy or the target for situations simply because I say what I feel. Im sorry if I say things that you are uncomfortable with. I have a long history with being the bad guy. If that helps some of them to get through this then so be it.
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