Every day is a choice. When you wake up in the morning you have to choose to be in a good mood. You have to choose to smile at those you see. Some days this choice is harder to make than other days but the choice is still there. Depending on what you choose and how you choose it, your day can be either very successful or, not so much.
Recently there have been a lot of things happening in my world. Some of you have read the blog and are aware, some of you maybe not. The point is, every day when I get up, I have to choose to be happy for myself and for my daughter. Some days that is a much more difficult choice to make, but I have to make it because I have to move forward.
With every door that closes a new door will open. My heart has been broken and I can not imagine ever being truly happy again at this very moment, but I do know in time, that I will heal from this pain and happiness is what I make of it, NOT what happens or doesn't happen in my life.
In dealing with the current situation in my life, I attended a support group on Friday night. I have never been in this situation and honestly don't know too many people that can relate. I know many, many people but not many that have been in this situation, from the same perspective. Anyway, as I said, with every door that closes, another opens. While at the support group I met a handful of very nice, supportive and interesting people. I did not meet anyone in my situation. Who I did meet was entirely much better than that!
The minute I walked into the room for the meeting my eyes beheld a very tall woman. I came in behind her so didn't see her face immediately but something told me the moment I saw her, that this was going to be the person that made a difference in my life. As the meeting began to come to order and she took her seat, I noticed the kindness and the true compassion in her face. After the announcements that all gatherings as this have which are important to their cause, the large group broke into two smaller groups. I was in the same group with this woman that had caught my eye.
After we were seated in our smaller group and we began our discussion, I realized that this woman is the president of this organization and her wife was the facilitator of the group. Leave it to me to have to make connections with the big wigs right? Hey, I didn't choose this. This is the path the Lady is leading me down. Not only is this woman the leader of this organization, she is studying psychology and she is a pagan. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I have just scored a hat-trick. After the meeting was over we stood and talked until they kicked us out and we had to leave. Upon getting to the parking lot we stood and talked for another hour. We exchanged phone numbers on the premise that if I needed anything to help with my situation to feel free to call. They had been through similar although not exactly the same situations and could relate and help us through this.
The next morning I received a good morning text from the president of the group! I was touched that she was so considerate! We texted off and on through out the day and I learned many things. The most important thing I learned is that the Lady has never let me down. The next lesson I learned is that you are always placed in contact with those you need, and with those that need you. I definitely need this person in my life because she and I can connect on so many levels. She knows both sides of what I am going through. She can related to the confusion and the pain. She understands the hurt and the anger. Most importantly she also understands my unique situation of being the only pagan in a sea of Southern Christianity. During our conversation off and on through the day I realized not only do I need her help; she also needs mine.
She has been a solitary witch for a time and is looking to learn the old ways. She has been searching for connections and information and the Lady led me directly to her. I have been blessed with many friends and contacts in the Pagan Community. I feel quite certain that I can help her with some of her studies. I also feel very confident that when she needs more that I can give or information I don't have, I can put her in contact with the people that can take her in the direction she is seeking. I feel very blessed and extremely honored that the Lady chose me for this. I can not explain to you the feeling I have when I look at this person. I KNOW without a doubt we were meant to meet and that we need each other right now. I have found a new, not only friend, but sister in the path through this ordeal and I know that this journey has just begun.
Today I choose to be happy. As I wipe away the tears of pain from the heartache I feel, I choose to be happy. I know there is a future. My problem was that I had become complacent in believing I knew what that future held for me. I have been reminded that we have no idea what the future hold. That doesn't mean there is no future! I know I will still have plenty of times where choosing to be happy is more difficult than others, but I will always make that choice. I choose to be happy and I choose to follow the Lady down the glorious path she leads me.
The sun is always shining, even behind the clouds.
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